TRUST US

November 2, 2018
By US Desk

I am a regular reader of your column. I am an 18-year-old boy, studying in one of the prestigious institutions of town.....

She is like wind

Salam Guru,

I am a regular reader of your column. I am an 18-year-old boy, studying in one of the prestigious institutions of town. My problem is that I have a crush on my best friend, M. She has been studying with me since I was 11, but I don’t have the guts to tell her how I feel about her. On the other hand, M is interested in a boy, G, who is 21 years old but G is not inclined towards her. He treats M only as a friend but doesn’t want to get romantically involved with her. Guru, I cannot see M getting hurt at the hand of G. It will break her heart when she comes to know that G cannot be her boyfriend. I have thought of revealing my feelings, but I don’t want to risk my friendship. What if she gets upset with me and leaves me? It’s like a triangle – I like M but M likes G and G is not interested in her. M is pretty and delicate and to me she is like the wind and I know wind can’t be caught but still my heart wants her. What to do?

A Confused Boy

Dear Confused Boy,

I really respect your feelings but, dear, sadly, your feelings are one sided. You are M’s best friend and usually best friends are meant to be friends only. But it does not mean she can never be yours. You should not worry about M’s inclination towards G. You see, everyone is helpless when it comes to feelings. Like you have a crush on M and M is clueless about it. In the similar fashion, M likes G. So you cannot stop her from liking G or getting hurt. Let M take her own sweet time in getting to know G. When she receives no positive response from him, she will get disappointed and she may come to you. I advise you to not disclose your feelings at the moment. This is not the right time. Enjoy her friendship and the time being spent with her. Let her come to you herself. Just be patient and wait for the right time to reveal your true feelings. Good luck!

My friends are so mean

Respected Guru,

I have been reading your column since long and have been thinking of sharing my problem. I hope you can give me some good suggestions. Actually, Guru, my problem is related to my mean friends. I have lots of friends but most of them are selfish and mean. They are all pretenders and users. They are very good to me when they need me or my help; otherwise, they don’t even bother to call me. Guru, I am a very sensitive person and it really hurts me. How can I deal with my selfish friends? I cannot leave them as I need friends, too, to hang out with. I don’t want to end up as a loner. But tell me how to cope with such people on daily basis so as to get some relief in life.

Upset Pal

Dear Upset Pal,

It goes without saying that one needs friends as they are an integral part of your social life. But, one should choose friends judiciously. It seems like you are a very simple guy who trusts his friends blindly and gets hurt in the end. It’s better to learn the tricks when it comes to dealing with selfish friends. First, you need to accept the fact that selfish people have no regard for others. This knowledge will give you some comfort and you won’t get hurt by their mean behaviour. Secondly, don’t make yourself available to them every time they need you. The trick is to be civil but never offer the attention the self-absorbed person craves. Most importantly, stop doing favours for them. Selfish people always ask for favours, but they squirm out of helping you when you need their help. That’s just how they operate. Once you realise that someone is too selfish, just try to stay away from them as much as possible. Your time is better off spent alone than with overwhelmingly selfish people. And last but not least, delete some selfish friends out of your friends’ list for good. Life is too short to be bogged down by selfish people and tied down in toxic relationships that suck the energy and happiness out of you. It’s better to have few good friends than keeping an army of selfish friends who are good for nothing. So, without further ado, start cleaning up. Like you rearrange your wardrobe, in the same manner, chuck out unwanted friends from your life. It’s that easy. You can always make new friends who are good to you. Good luck!

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